Have a nice trip, see you next fall

May 1, 2009 • written by Sam Forsey, Entertainment Editor  
Filed under Entertainment

        With the flood waters running rampant, the snow rapidly disappearing and elderly people finally migrating back to the area, it’s safe to say spring is here.  Now that spring has arrived, the school year is getting ready to end and it’s time to plan a summer vacation.

        If you want to travel internationally then your best option is to hit up third world countries, places like Bermuda, Mexico or post-Hurricane Katrina New Orleans.  Not only are most of these places located in the sunny Caribbean, but you get about 2,345,543 pesos for each U.S. dollar, which is always a nice ego booster. 

        However, there are some technicalities to be aware of while traveling far distances.  For instance, the threat level as established by Homeland Security is ‘Orange.’  Personally, I’m not sure what is so threatening about the color orange, so I can only assume that it means there has been a series of rabid Oompa Loompa attacks recently.  As long as you don’t have any bad personality traits that are easy to rhyme or any issues with the candy man himself, you should be safe.

        With the threat level being a color that resembles fire, airport security has become stricter than ever.  The weapons list has been expanded to include every day items including toothpaste, water bottles and machetes.  On top of this ridiculous list, simply passing through security can be rather difficult and possibly include a game of strip poker with the security guards.  If you want a hassle-free airport experience, simply send your luggage ahead of time through the mail and go to the airport in the nude, thus eliminating any need to pass through any sort of security (Oompa Loompa doompity dude, travelling is fun when it’s done in the nude).

        However, traveling can be quite expensive as well, so unless you happen to find a golden plane ticket, (though in a statistical average four-fifths golden ticket finders suffer from Oompla Loompa related attacks) staying in the area can be just as fulfilling.