Super sizzlin’ summer

May 22, 2009 • written by Sam Forsey, 08-09 Entertainment Editor  
Filed under Entertainment

        After a long year of dealing with school, natural disasters and the emotionally trying story of Rihanna and Chris, it’s time for a nice, long break.  Fortunately, our school system is set up with a convenient three-month vacation for us to just lay around and forget everything we learned in the previous year.  However, if you want to be more active about replacing information with relaxation, there are multiple options for you.

        A big favorite of high school students is to be exploited for cheap labor.  Nothing is more rewarding than participating in physical labor for minimum wage.  I myself work six-hour shifts at the movie theater for less than a large popcorn an hour.  Remember, you have to start as an epsilon before you can make $1 million.

        For those seeking a memory-filled summer, there is no better option than driving to a lake with friends, cooking some food, setting up a boat, putting on your swimsuits and then getting completely wasted before ever even touching the water.  Nothing stimulates the memory glands like large quantities of alcohol.  It’s not a coincidence that Bud Lite rhymes with remember. 

        Another activity high up on the list for vacation activities is changing ethnicities.  Many teenaged youth choose to bask in the sun while its rays permeate through their epidermis and on to the upper regions of the subcutaneous, while cooking everything from the sebaceous gland to the stratum spinosum to a nice, medium-well and ultimately giving them various forms of cancer and aging their skin at a much faster pace than normal.  Also, their skin gets a little darker.  Chalk up one point to Malcolm X.

        If sizzling skin doesn’t sound tasty to you, there are plenty of other options available for you.  Traveling is always a fun option, though keep your eyes out for oompa loompas.  Perhaps storm the North Pole and save the elves from their Santa-induced enslavement.  Another choice is to study up on math (even though it’s summer) to help you escape from radical terrorists someday.  Go out and buy a Toastereo and enjoy some tunes and toast. 

        For guys, you could lift heavy things up and set them back down in an attempt to impress the ladies.  If you’re really bored you could even resurrect FDR and lead a communist revolt with him as the leader.  Whichever you choose, just make sure you don’t bring a Furby to NSA headquarters because they really are illegal there. 

        Summer is yours to do with what you want, but whatever choice you make, just make sure that you live long and prosper.